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We have avoided shaming them in any way, but we made it clear porn is problematic not just for their well-being, but for those it exploits, and even for the women and men with whom they interact in real life. Our teen confessed they couldn’t get the images out of their mind, and I believe that was a more powerful lesson for them in giving over their agency than anything we could have done.We talked with them about how pathways in our brain are like worn trails in the woods, and while this one was freshly carved because of what they had seen, it would eventually grow over if they didn’t use it, and they would be able to move on. Our kids have since come back to that analogy over and over, and I have even overheard them sharing it (about something unrelated to porn).We talked about consent—both for young men and for young women.We talked with them about open and honest communication regarding boundaries in dating, and that if you are too embarrassed to have these conversations, you are not ready to proceed.Talking about sex isn’t something we’ve reserved for a one-time Big Talk, but rather is an ongoing discussion.I think this helped our teen come to us when they found themselves viewing something they knew was wrong.His great grandfather was Sir Frederick Hamilton, Baron Paisley and Governor of Ulster, a position which necessitated a change of residence from Scotland to Ireland for the family and resulted in Henry's birth a century later. He was commissioned into the 15th Regiment of Foot in the British Army.He earned distinction in British victories at the battles of Louisburg and Quebec in the Seven Years War (French and Indian War in the USA).
We explained that as their parents, talking to us was the right thing to do.Of course we have normal safe searches on all devices, but we’ve also realized “safe search” isn’t an airtight net and relying on external restrictions isn’t going to be nearly as effective helping them have an internal system.No matter how good your blocking software, the porn industry is a step ahead of it.You’ve been warned.) Our teen told us what happened with the Google search, and we verified this by looking at the browser history.They were already feeling terrible, and we didn’t have any desire to add additional shame on an already sensitive situation, but we also knew we had to have (another) frank talk.